Rated; G

Warnings: May contain sheep

Story Starter: Write a story about a fight. Merry is the one having the fight and I used two of my choices for combat. Both of which will become evident as you read.

Beta: Llinos and Marigold

These are not my characters. I’m making no money at all for this and when you read it you will see why I’m not better paid.

GW

“Dumpling”

Merry glared at the animal that he had been chasing for hours and then stepped forward with the rope behind his back. “No sheep is getting the best of me! I won’t stand for it, do you hear? You’ve been warned you woolly faced blanket on legs. Now hold still while I put this rope around your neck.”

The sheep continued to look at Merry as if not really seeing him at all. It stood there not moving an inch and ignored the approaching hobbit or it seemed to be ignoring him. It is very difficult to tell with sheep.

Merry eased up on the rather large, lazy-looking ewe until he was standing right next to it. Then when he was certain that the sheep had no intention of moving he pulled the rope from behind his back and dropped the loop, intending to tighten it about his victim’s throat. Just as he dropped the loop the sheep lowered its head and began to graze. The loop fell uselessly to the ground next to the sheep’s hooves and Merry gritted his teeth and made a growling noise. The sheep ignored him and continued eating.

“That’s it! I've finished being nice,” Merry said retrieving his rope and then untying the loop. “Go ahead and eat, you great walking winter jumper! Just stand there eating while I tie this rope about your silly neck.” Merry struggled with the rope until he had it untied and then leaned over the sheep to tie it about its neck while it ate. “In my entire sixteen years of life you are the most worthless creature that I’ve ever had any dealings with! I’ve seen rocks with more brains.”

The sheep allowed Merry to get into position with the rope and then it moved, dumping Merry on the grass as it walked calmly off to another patch of grass and resumed eating.

“I’m going to kill you and eat you right here in this meadow!” Merry shouted, picking himself up off of the ground. “I’ll be enjoying a leg of roast mutton when the others find me! There will be nothing left of you but a large pile of wool and a few bones!” He began to stalk towards the sheep with his head down and the rope clutched in his hands. “You are officially a dead sheep!”

The sheep shifted ever so slightly and raised its head to peer at Merry out of one soft, brown eye but it did not run. Merry managed to get within a few steps of the sheep before it trotted away at a leisurely pace, keeping just far enough ahead of Merry to make him run.

“Come back here you stupid animal! Come back here or I’ll get a rock and bring you down with one throw! You brainless excuse for livestock!”

A large sheepdog stood just at the edge of the meadow and watched with interest as the hobbit lad chased the large sheep. The dog cocked its head to one side and whined as Merry took a flying leap towards the animal and missed it by inches, landing on the grass face down.

“Come back here or so help me I will kill you! We don’t need you, you know,” Merry said getting to his feet. “We have dozens of animals just like you! All of you sheep look alike so no one will miss you if I kill you. You can be replaced!” Merry scrambled to his feet and chased after the sheep while the dog yawned and scratched behind one ear.

The sheep stopped again and began to graze with its back to Merry. Merry stopped too. He leaned forward and put his hands on his knees panting for breath. “Now I have you right where I want you,” Merry whispered as the sweat dripped from his forehead. “Worthless animal.”

The dog whined again and moved slightly forward, getting to its feet and wagging its tail. Merry didn’t notice the dog. His attention was completely focused on his prey. He raised up and began to tiptoe towards the sheep, being as quiet as possible. Just as he got within a few steps of the beast the dog barked excitedly. Hearing the dog, the sheep looked up and Merry dived onto its back and wrapped his arms about its neck. “I’ve got you now!” he shouted as the sheep began to run. “Hold still you bag of wool you!”

Merry pressed his knees against the sheep’s sides and held on for dear life while the dog barked loudly. “It’s no good running! You aren’t getting away this time! I’ve got you and you are going to the barn to be sheared with the other sheep!” Merry shouted.

The sheep ignored Merry and continued to run. The dog was now running alongside the sheep barking and wagging its tail happily. “Go away you foolish dog!” Merry shouted. “You’re scaring the sheep!” But the dog paid no more attention to Merry than the sheep did. It continued to run and bark.

‘I’m going to shear you myself when I get you to the barn! I’m going to carve my full name into your side with the clippers and make you wear it! You’ll be the laughing stock of all of the sheep on this farm when I've finished with you!” Merry shouted. “I’ll drop your fat arse into a vat of dye and colour you brown like mud! I’ll…” Before Merry could continue to tell the sheep his plans for it, the animal stopped suddenly and Merry flew off its back and landed face down in a small puddle of mud. The dog stopped running and danced about the downed hobbit barking and wagging his tail.

Merry raised himself up and was just starting to get up when the sheep stepped over him and then lay down on top of him. The weight of the sheep pushed Merry back to the ground and the dog moved back slightly and whined. The sheep seemed to be getting comfortable and it positioned itself so that its mid-section was lying right across Merry’s back.

“Oof!” Merry gasped as the sheep’s full weight lay atop him. He struggled to move out from underneath it but he was not fast enough. He was pinned to the ground with his arms stretched out in front of him and his legs stretched out behind him. The rope was still firmly in his hands. “Get up! Get off me you useless pile of wool! Get up now or I will personally knit an ugly jumper out of you!” Merry struggled to turn so that this action might be possible but he was unable to do so. He couldn’t move. This was a very fat sheep.

The dog wagged its tail and looked at Merry intently. It leaned forward on its front paws and barked as if inviting Merry to play. “Don’t just stand there you silly dog! Do your job! Herd this sheep off of me! You’re a sheepdog, now herd this sheep!” Merry ordered with as much force as he could muster in his current situation.

The dog turned its head slightly as if trying to puzzle out what it was that Merry wanted and then it saw the rope. Overjoyed by the possibility of a new game, the dog moved forward and gripped the rope in its teeth and began to pull. “Let go of that!” Merry shouted trying to hold onto the rope. “I need this you ridiculous dog! I said herd the sheep, not pull the rope! Are all of the animals on this farm brainless?”

The dog made a growling sound and playfully continued to pull on the rope. Merry, determined not to lose his grip, held on tightly and gritted his teeth. The sheep didn’t move at all and did not seem the least bit interested in the contest for possession of the rope.

“Let go! Let go this minute you stupid dog!” Merry shouted. “I said let go!”

Suddenly a voice called out from off to Merry’s right, “Dumpling! Here Dumpling!”

Merry hoped that wasn’t the dog’s name because he was not having that silly dog run off with his rope. He gripped the rope tighter and was surprised when the weight seemed to move from his back. The sheep was standing up! Before Merry could take stock of the situation the dog jerked the rope forward and Merry slid out from beneath the sheep and was dragged across the grass a few feet before he remembered to let go of the rope.

“Dumpling?” the voice called again and Merry realized that it was Pearl’s voice. He scrambled to his feet and watched as the sheep trotted over to Pearl and allowed her to rub its woolly head. “There you are you darling lass,” Pearl cooed to the sheep.

Merry looked after the dog, which was running happily off with the rope in its teeth, and then he hurried over to Pearl. “That dog took my rope!” He pointed in the direction of the dog and then looked back at Pearl and the sheep. “What kind of stupid sheepdogs do you have on this farm?” Merry demanded.

Pearl surveyed Merry’s muddy clothing and his damp curls and red face. “What in thunder have you been doing out here? You were supposed to be finding Dumpling and bringing her to the barn,” Pearl said scowling. “And here I find you out playing with the dog.”

“Playing? Playing?” Do I look like I’ve been playing?” Merry shouted at her. “For your information I was attacked by that sheep!” Merry pointed to Dumpling. “That sheep attacked me and your stupid dog did nothing at all to help!”

“Attacked by a sheep?” Pearl laughed. “Oh, Merry, you can’t be serious.”

Merry pulled at his hair in frustration and glared at her. “That sheep sat on me! It nearly crushed me! I’m lucky to be alive!”

Pearl giggled. “Really, Merry, why don’t you just admit that we gave you a job to do and that you didn’t do it? You’ve spent the afternoon playing with the animals instead of helping. Admit it.”

“I have not being playing! I could have been crushed to death. Do you know how much that large pile of wool weighs?”

Dumpling moved closer to Pearl and licked her hand. “Don’t talk unkindly about Dumpling. She’s practically family.”

“Oh, that explains it all! This is a sheep with the brains of a Took! Why didn’t someone warn me?” Merry demanded. He looked skyward and then let out a yell of frustration. “I’ve been chasing after a wayward Took in sheep’s clothing all day! If I had known I might have stood a chance!”

“Don’t be insulting!” Pearl shouted, putting her hands on her hips and glaring at him.

“Oh, fine, I’m sorry, Dumpling,” Merry said looking at the sheep. “I didn’t mean to call you a Took.”

Pearl stamped a foot and said, “Ignore him, Dumpling. Merry isn’t very bright. He was dropped on his head when he was born.”

Pippin, who had just come running over, looked up at Merry and frowned. “Did it hurt, Merry?” he asked looking worried.

“Your sister is lying,” Merry said tightly. “She’s the one who was dropped on her head. In fact when it happened her brains bounced right out of her ear and a dog ate them.”

“You mean like the dog that just ran off with your rope?” Pearl said leaning over and glaring at Merry.

“Was the dog sick?” Pippin asked looking disgusted and wrinkling up his freckled nose.

“The dog died,” Merry hissed between clenched teeth. “It got sick and died.”

Pippin blinked. “Why’d it die?”

“It starved to death because there weren’t enough brains to keep it alive,” Merry said still looking at Pearl.

“Pearl, do dogs eat brains?” Pippin asked looking nervous now.

“Don’t worry, you’re safe,” Merry said rolling his eyes.

“Don’t listen to him, Pippin,” Pearl said. “Merry is just upset because he isn’t as bright as a sheep.”

The eight-year-old child looked slightly confused. “Sheep are pretty clever sometimes,” Pippin said with a shrug.

“Sheep are worthless, brainless animals who spend all day eating grass and lying about in fields. The only good use for one is to eat it!” Merry said still glaring at Pearl.

“We aren’t eating Dumpling!” Pippin said horrified and he walked over to the sheep and climbed on its back and hugged it. “Dumpling is a good sheep and we love her, don’t we Pearl?”

“Of course we do, Pippin,” Pearl said. “No one is eating Dumpling. Merry is talking nonsense.”

“And you are full of sheep dung,” Merry said to Pearl.

Pippin frowned. “Are you two fighting?”

“Yes, we’re fighting,” Pearl said calmly. “We are fighting because your cousin, Merry, is a twit.”

“Oh,” Pippin said.

“We are fighting because your sister doesn’t realize that sheep are dangerous animals,” Merry said. “She doesn’t realize that Dumpling there nearly crushed me. She laid on top of me and nearly pressed the life right out of me.”

Pippin blinked and sat up on Dumpling’s back. “You aren’t supposed to lie under the sheep, Merry. Some of them are heavy.”

Pearl smirked and Merry turned red in the face.

“Pearl, can I ride Dumpling to the barn so she can get her wool cut?” Pippin asked. The child looked as if he wanted to get the sheep to safety. The look on Merry’s face was growing more alarming by the second.

“Yes, Pippin,” Pearl said. “Ride straight to the barn with her and hang on tightly.”

“Don’t fall off or she’ll lie on you!” Merry called out as Dumpling began to move off with Pippin on her back.

“Don’t scare the child,” Pearl hissed.

“You’re letting him ride a dangerous sheep and I’m not supposed to warn him?” Merry said. “Fine. When Pippin is crushed to death by that evil lamb-chop-to-be then don’t come crying to me.”

“Stop making references to eating Dumpling,” Pearl warned. “Pippin loves that sheep.”

“Pippin loves everything,” Merry sighed. “He’s too trusting to know when he’s in the presence of a dangerous animal and when he is safe.”

“Dumpling is not dangerous,” Pearl sighed. “Honestly, Merry, sometimes I think you really were dropped on your head at birth.” She turned and began to walk off, leaving Merry standing there scowling after her.

Merry took several deep breaths and then muttered, “The reason the Tooks raise sheep is because sheep are the only animals that aren’t more clever than Tooks.”

Just then the dog returned with Merry’s rope in its mouth and sat down beside him wagging his tail. Merry looked down at the dog and frowned. “What do you want? Are you here to tie me to a tree or something?”

The dog barked once and dropped the rope to the ground. Merry sighed, “Keep it. If I have a rope in my hands when I get to the barn then I just might hang myself in order to relieve my misery. I’m spending the month here and this is only the first day of my visit, dog, so do not offer me a rope!” With that Merry walked off down the hill after Pearl.

The End